Monthly Archives: December 2012

1. ________
2. ________
3. ________
4. “I’m looking for pies”
5. ________

©Obamabeans 12/17/2012

When asked how he intended to handle the increasing possibility of Iran becoming a nuclear power, President Obama stated his intention to make a major speech next week in which he will addresses Iran’s intransigence, adding that he will use his stern voice, which until now he has only used for campaign speechs.  Following the announcement, the Nobel Peace Prize Committee immediately awarded President Obama his 2^nd Nobel Peace Prize.  President Obama thanked the committee and said that he felt he deserved this one just as much as he did the first.

©Obamabeans 12/14/2012

1.  Cheese (not healthy),   Board Games (too boring), and Libertarians (not cooperative). 

On a related note, The McDonald Corporation announced that the Mayor’s recent decision will force further revisions in their marketing plans for NYC. The company, which recently revised its marketing plan to feature three-sixteenth pound burgers with cheese due to the Mayor’s ban on quarter pound hamburgers, will now need to modify it to comply with the Mayor’s ban on cheese.

©Obamabeans 12/17/2012

1.  Poppycock

2.  Benghazi

3. “I’m looking for pies.”

©Obamabeans 12/17/2012

When quizzed by reporters about his passionate defense of Susan Rice over the Benghazi Crisis, and why he had never been so concerned about defending other female members of this administration, President Obama replied: “Well, Hillary always had Bill at her back, and as for the others, I think most of them are lesbians, and lesbians can take care of themselves”.

©Obamabeans 12/14/2012

California Governor Jerry Brown today announced that he had a plan in place to solve California’s crippling deficit problem.  He plans to immediately submit a bill to the State Legislature asking for one hundred billion dollars to fund a manned spaceflight to Mars and back.  Martians, Governor Brown stated, have secretly been involved in currency trading for years and have over five hundred billion dollars in US cash stored on the planet.  They have graciously volunteered to give California twenty percent of that total to support peace between our planets.  When the Governor was asked how he found out about this, Govenor Brown said he had been told all this by the two Martians that live in the coffee tin in the pantry in the Govenor’s mansion in Sacramento. 

Update: after hearing the proposal, the Democratic led Legislature immediately voted to  approve two hundred billion dollars for the project and as well as a thirty percent pay increase for teachers.

©Obamabeans 12/14/2012

The National Association of Part-Time Celebrity Mothers announced that Madonna has been awarded the 2012 Part-Time Mother of the Year Award. The Association said that the competition for the award was fierce, but Madonna “sealed the deal” when she admitted that she sometimes forgot how many children she actually had. Madonna will be given a eighteen inch high gold statue of either Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee (officials aren’t sure which it is) at a banquet on Decembers 25th in Los Angeles.  Madonna has said she will attend the award ceremony without her children, whom she believes are in another country right now.

The Association also gave a honorary award to Kris Kardashian. Although Ms. Kardashian was not technically considered a part-time mother, officialls felt she deserved the award since many felt her daughters would have been better off if she had been.

©Obamabeans 12/12/2012

Attorney General Eric Holder announced today, that in response to the ongoing labor violence in Michigan, the Justice Department was immediately dispatching an elite team of FBI agents to the state to investigate the Tea Party.

©Obamabeans 12/12/2012

Pro Labor Forces in Michigan, in response to the recent passage of the State’s Right to Work Law, burned down the Governor’s Mansion, the State Capital, and the cities of Kalamazoo, Pontiac, and Battle Creek.  NBC News noted the events, saying “Things were a little more boisterous in Michigan today…”

©Obamabeans 12/12/2012

White House Spokesperson Jay Carney explained to reporters today why the White House has not released a detailed description of its proposed budget cuts.  Apparently a low level administration official accidently filed the proposal in the same folder containing the missing Rose Law Firm records and the investigative report on the Benghazi attack.  No word from the White House on when or if this folder will ever be found.

©Obamabeans 12/12/2012