More Revelations on Manti Te’o

The following report was filed by Bubba Batengrate, Obamabeans field correspondent:

Manti Teo’s “girlfriend” problems weren’t the only thing he discussed with the hard-hitting, nuclear jackhammer of journalism, Katie Couric.  In leaked footage obtained by Obamabeans (thanks, Gus!), Manti Teo confesses the reasons for his poor performance against Alabama’s defense.  Transcript published below.

Manti: “So, I’m besties with one of the Alabama guys, and–”

Katie: “Besties?”

Manti: “Best friends.”

Katie: “Friends?”

Manti: “Yeah.  Sorta.  Maybe more good acquaintances?  We met on Instagram and follow each other on Twitter.  So this guy–”

Katie: “Guy?”

Manti: “–so this guy, he texts me right before the coin toss and tells me there’s going to be the regular football in the game, but because it’s the championship, there’s also going to be this second football – a special BCS football with lights and stuff – out there on the field at the same time.”

Katie:  “Special BCS football?”

Manti:  “Yeah, it was like the size of an egg and had lights and stuff, and there were extra points if you tackled the guy who had it.  But I never saw it.  Guys kept saying they had it, but you know, I’d check their hands and they’d say it was just somewhere else right then.  And then things got really bad.”

Katie:  “Really bad?”

Manti:  “Yeah, somebody told me the special BCS football died.”

Katie:  “And that’s when you thought the special BCS football might have been fake?”

Manti:  “No, I was just really sad at first.  But then somebody told me that the special BCS football had come back from the dead and wanted to see me.  That’s when I knew something wasn’t right.”

Katie:  “You didn’t suspect anything was wrong before that?”

Manti:  “No, it sounded just like a real football.  One of the  Alabama guys told me that when you threw it, it’d go ‘wssssssshhhhhh’”

Katie:  “And how did you feel when there was no football?”

Manti:  “Almost as bad as when I found out about my little brother.  We were close.  We used to hang out together all the time after school.  My parents and I always said what a good boy he was.  It was hard when my parents told me he got sick and wasn’t going to get any better, because even though he was 14, he was really old.  But the hardest part was when they took him to the vet to put him down.  Because that’s when I find out he was really a dog.”

©Obamabeans 01/25/2013


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2 Responses to More Revelations on Manti Te’o

  1. Dan

    Heard that the new euphemism for masturbation would be “having sex with Manti Teo’s girlfriend”. Ha.

    • obeams

      I hear you’re the man to talk to if you need a job in science. I know you must be good because you’ve gotten yourself two new jobs in the last year. I don’t know much about science, but I like the idea of a job, at least theoretically.
      Please advise.

      Seriously, sorry to lose you, but keep in touch. Let me know when you get a date for the big fight. Leatha & I are still planning on going- it’s good research for my writing.

      Give me a call sometime when you have a chance.


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