The following report was filed by Bubba Batengrate, Obamabeans beanfield correspondent:
On the heels of the bipartisan immigration plan proposed by the Senate, President Obama has announced his own immigration plan.
Speaking in Las Vegas today, the President explained why the White House decided to propose a separate plan:
“Our Founding Fathers had an everlasting vision for America. An America where the President and Congress worked together to compromise to make law. But the last day of this everlasting vision was yesterday. The time to end it is now. We must recognize that it was a flawed vision because they were flawed men. I have a perfect vision.
‘In that vision, the President has a duty to not only do what is popular, but to do what is right. It is then the duty of the media to make what the President does popular. Our Founding Fathers gave the President this thing called a veto. The veto was to be used to restrain the excesses of Congress. And I will use it to restrain not only the excesses of bipartisanship in this immigration plan proposed by the Senate, but the excesses of bipartisanship everywhere. This is exactly the sort of gridlock in Washington that the American people are so tired of. We owe it to them to do better.”
Approached by reporters as he was carrying a bucket full of nickels, Vice President Joe Biden offered his own theory. “Of course, we’re introducing our own plan. The Senate plan was a good plan, but it wasn’t going to royally piss off the House or humiliate Boehner. And you gotta do both those before passing anything. Otherwise, how do you know how much you could have gotten? And how’s a President supposed to look great if he just lets the Senate steal his thunder like that? Hey, anybody know where I can find the Enchanted Unicorn slot machines?”