Category Archives: Uncategorized

In a major speech in Baltimore yesterday, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg again called for new legislation to limit gun ownership.  Surrounded by members of his staff, seven armed personal bodyguards, ten New York State troopers and two NYC SWAT teams, Bloomberg said “I just can’t relate to anyone in this country who says they need a gun to feel safe.”

Mayor Bloomberg also said that, effective the 1st of the month, New York City will also ban running with scissors.

©Obamabeans 01/15/2013

To address several recent complaints from our readers about the accuracy of some our articles, Obamabeans is pleased to announce the hiring of Lenny  Rapadino, a former Chicago alderman recently paroled,  to be our resident fact-checker.  Mr. Rapadino sums up his fact-checking philosophy as “I know ‘nuttin’; I see ‘nuttin’ ”.  We believe that this alone puts him ahead of most of his peers in the field. 

Besides, he works cheap.

©Obamabeans 01/14/2013

In a rather confusing move, the Nobel Peace Prize committee mistakenly announced earlier this week that President Obama would be the recepient of  an additional Nobel Peace Prize only to retract the announcement yesterday.  In an effort to understand what took place, Obamabeans asked Helmet Smorgasbourder, one of the Peace Prize judges, to explain how the mix-up occurred. According to Judge Smorgasbourger, the confusion was a result of the fact that “obama” in Norse actually means “very cheap vodka”. Smorgasbourger said that he and several other judges feel very strongly about very cheap vodka and believe that increasing its availability would be a boon to world peace.  When asked how this resulted in the mistaken Peace Prize this week and if it was the reason for President Obama’s award in 2008, Smorgasbourger suddenly slipped off his bar stool and hit his head on the corner of the bar, requiring hospitalization.

Update to follow.

©Obamabeans 01/11/2013

Various news agencies in France reported today that Madonna was seriously injured in an on-stage accident last night.  The aging superstar, in an effort to maintain her status as a sex symbol in spite of her advancing age, has recently been exposing her right breast briefly during her performances.  Apparently when she did so in her performance last night, she accidently tripped over her breast, fell to the stage floor and injured her left hip. Doctors, concerned about a possible hip fracture (common in post-menopausal women), immediately rushed her to an undisclosed French hospital for tests. Test results have since shown no damage to the hip bone, just severe bruising to her left hip and  right breast.  Madonna reportedly asked for her children to visit her in the hospital but apparently she nor any member of her staff knew what country they were currently in or how to contact them.

©Obamabeans 1/10/2013

In a guest appearance by famous singer/songwriter Stevie Wonder on MSNBC’s Hardball yesterday, much of the discussion centered on the harsh criticisms by the GOP on President Obama during the 2012 Presidential Campaign. Host Chris Matthews asked Mr. Wonder if he thought the attacks were more vitrolic due to the fact that the President was a black man, to which Mr. Wonder replied “He’s Black???????”

©Obamabeans 1/8/2013

After the details of the Fiscal Cliff agreement were released last week, it was revealed that the agreement also included over seventy billion dollars in new pork.  Obamabeans reporters contacted both Republican and Democratic leaders individually to determine how the pork became part of the final agreement.  Their responses are shown below:

President Obama:  White House Spokesperson Jay Carney said that the President had no idea how the pork got in the bill since legislative leaders of both parties refused to let the President take part in the negotiations.

Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell:  “There wasn’t any pork in it when I gave it to the Democrats. I have no idea what happened after that.”

Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid:  “I was too busy pouting over Biden hogging all the glory to be involved in the final negotiations.”

Vice President Biden:  “I never actually read the agreement.”

Speaker of the House John Boehner:  “I can’t even get three members of my own party to agree on what day it is- How the h*** do you think I got anyone to agree to adding that stuff to the bill?”

Democratic Leader in the House, Nancy Pelosi:  “We’ve looked into how it got there and right now believe that the pork was put in the bill by George W. Bush.  We are still investigating.”

©Obamabeans 1/6/2013

1.  Sled dog races

2.  Christmas

3. African-American Republicans

©Obamabeans 1/6/2013

1.  Shirt sleeves with button-down cuffs (tacky)

2.  Wearing snowshoes in months not containing the letter “r” (dangerous)

3.  Whistling (annoying)

©Obamabeans 1/5/2013

1.  ________

2. ”Let’s make a deal!”

3.  ________

4.  ” ‘Reid’ ‘em and weep!”

5.  ________

©Obamabeans 1/4/2013

The White House announced today that Vogue Magazine Editor Anna Wintour is no longer under consideration for an ambassador position after the Washington Post reported that she had forced all members of her household staff to sign Indentured Servant contracts.  The Post quoted Wintour defending her actions:  “I don’t why it’s such a big deal.  I had my editorial staff sign them years ago and they never complained”.