Tag Archives: political humor

Major Announcement by Planned Parenthood

The Planned Parenthood executive committe issued an announcement today calling for Democratic senators and congresspeople to pass legislation requiring the forced sterilization of all males over the age of twenty-one.  The announcement states that “this step, though radical, is the only true, permanent solution to society’s ongoing ‘baby problem’, and that this will provide women for the first time in history true independence from paternalism.” The statement said that the sterilization should be performed in the “most humane way possible.” 

Anonymous sources inside Planned Parenthood say that there was strong opposition in some parts of the organization to elements of the proposal and much heated discussion.  One group wanted the “most humane way possible” phrase replaced with “rusty knives”, but the majority of the committee felt that using this  phrase would be politically detrimental.  Another heated topic was a proposal by the two non-lesbians on the commttee to exempt male rappers from the legislation.  The two members were bitterly attacked by some of the other members and accused of having undue physical attraction to the rappers. After much yelling and shouting, including frequent uses of the word “ho”, the two committee members dropped their proposal.

©Obamabeans 02/21/2013

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Filed under abortion, dennis miller, humor, jon stewart, onion, planned parenthood, politcal satire, political humor, satire, UAW, Uncategorized

White House to Install Hockey Rink in Basement

White House press spokesperson Jay Carney announced today that construction will begin this spring on a new hockey rink  to be installed in the basement of the White House.  It seems the President has taken an interest in the sport, hoping that it might help him better understand Canadians, whose culture and political institutions have remained a complete mystery to the President up till this point.

Carney also said that the new sport will provide a new challenge to the President, who, during his first four years in the White House, has mastered golf, bowling, and skeet-shooting in addtion to playing his weekly pickup basketball games and cycling with his daughters. When asked when the President will find time for his new sport, Carney replied that the President always finds time for sports.

©Obamabeans 02/19/2013

 

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Filed under barack obama, dennis miller, humor, jon stewart, onion, politcal satire, political humor, President Obama, satire, skeet shooting, the onion, Uncategorized, white house

End of an Era: California’s Last Middle Class Citizen Dies

California officials announced last night that Joseph Glabish, the last middle class citizen in California,  died last Sunday marking the end of an era for the Golden State. The family has arranged for his burial to be in Arizona so that he might be near other former middle class Californians; however, the funeral will not take place for at least three months.  California’ tax agents estimate this will be the amount of time required to search his body and his estate for every last penny they can find.   Governor Brown has ordered  flags to hang at half-mast today, and in honor of Mr. Glabish’s passing, the California legislature also passed a 20% pay raise for all government workers.

©Obamabeans 02/18/2013

 

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Filed under California, dennis miller, Governor Brown, humor, jerry brown, jon stewart, onion, politcal satire, political humor, satire, taxes, the onion, Uncategorized

President Obama Reunites with the Choom Gang

Last weekend, the White House welcomed President Obama’s boyhood friends, the Choom Gang.  President Obama spent most of Saturday afternoon reminiscing with the Gang and later in the day the Gang could be seen cruising the Washington DC in the presidential limo. Reporters were unable to tell if the President accompanied the Gang members due to the large cloud of smoke inside the limo which obscured the faces of the passengers.

©Obamabeans 02/12/2013

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Filed under barack obama, dennis miller, jon stewart, President Obama, the onion, Uncategorized