Vice President Joe Biden said today that he has been eager to work on the “Sequester”, but so far has been unable to persuade Ann Romney to loan him her horse, Rafalca.
©Obamabeans 03/05/2013
Author Archives: obeams
Major Announcement by Planned Parenthood
The Planned Parenthood executive committe issued an announcement today calling for Democratic senators and congresspeople to pass legislation requiring the forced sterilization of all males over the age of twenty-one. The announcement states that “this step, though radical, is the only true, permanent solution to society’s ongoing ‘baby problem’, and that this will provide women for the first time in history true independence from paternalism.” The statement said that the sterilization should be performed in the “most humane way possible.”
Anonymous sources inside Planned Parenthood say that there was strong opposition in some parts of the organization to elements of the proposal and much heated discussion. One group wanted the “most humane way possible” phrase replaced with “rusty knives”, but the majority of the committee felt that using this phrase would be politically detrimental. Another heated topic was a proposal by the two non-lesbians on the commttee to exempt male rappers from the legislation. The two members were bitterly attacked by some of the other members and accused of having undue physical attraction to the rappers. After much yelling and shouting, including frequent uses of the word “ho”, the two committee members dropped their proposal.
©Obamabeans 02/21/2013
Filed under abortion, dennis miller, humor, jon stewart, onion, planned parenthood, politcal satire, political humor, satire, UAW, Uncategorized
End of an Era: California’s Last Middle Class Citizen Dies
California officials announced last night that Joseph Glabish, the last middle class citizen in California, died last Sunday marking the end of an era for the Golden State. The family has arranged for his burial to be in Arizona so that he might be near other former middle class Californians; however, the funeral will not take place for at least three months. California’ tax agents estimate this will be the amount of time required to search his body and his estate for every last penny they can find. Governor Brown has ordered flags to hang at half-mast today, and in honor of Mr. Glabish’s passing, the California legislature also passed a 20% pay raise for all government workers.
©Obamabeans 02/18/2013
Filed under California, dennis miller, Governor Brown, humor, jerry brown, jon stewart, onion, politcal satire, political humor, satire, taxes, the onion, Uncategorized
How Al Gore May Save the Environment
Engineers at MIT recently made the following calculations:
If the near $1 billion Al Gore has made promoting green energy in the last 12 years was cashed out as $1 bills, these $1 bills could be bundled and shipped to the nation’s various coal powered power plants where they could then be burnt as fuel in place of coal. The engineers have calculated that this could completely supply the nation’s electricity needs for the next 23 years. The only downside to this idea, other than the millions of angry consumers whose pockets would be stuffed with quarters while dollar bills were temorarily unavailable, would be a fine green mist emited as a by-product from the burning of the ink in the bills. The MIT engineers say that this green mist could actually have many positive effects on the environment, including halting global warming, patching the hole in the ozone layer, and saving the whales.
Many top environmentalists now think that this may have been Gore’s plan all along and are praising him as a true genius. No word from Gore as to when he intends to cash out his fortune.
©Obamabeans 02/13/2013
Filed under al gore, environmental, green industry, humor, onion, politcal satire, political humor, satire, the onion, Uncategorized